Day 10 - Nothing

One word to describe today? Uneventful. Though I suppose no news is good news in this case.

Last night, on the other hand, was dreadful. My face was so sore and there was tremendous pressure, no matter what I did to relieve it. Refusing to give in to the pain killers, while best for my sanity, may not have been my wisest choice last night. The good news is that upon waking all was well again.

Other than that I've not much to report. Sorry for the unsatisfying post. I hope the rest of you are doing well :)

Day 9 - Planty Things & Picking Up

After just over a week I can honestly say that today feels like things are finally starting to pick up. That's not to say that I don't still encounter moments of frustration. Last night I got weepy at the thought of another 5 weeks of pureed foods and nutrition replacement drinks. But my moments of self-pity and sadness aside, things are getting better.

I'm still quite swollen, though it is coming down slowly but surely. My lips are getting a little more mobility, though my speech is still impaired and I have to repeat things to be understood sometimes.

The skin rebellion of 2011 is still in full swing. My face is so dry in some places it feels like sandpaper. I don't want to peel it though because I don't want to feel raw on top of everything else. Breaking out is spreading to my shoulder. I think it's my body just freaking out after all of the chemicals that had been put into it. I just hope it stops and clears up soon, because I take great pains to make sure that my skin is nice, so this is quite frustrating.

Numbness for me is strange. Some places, like the bridge and tip of my nose, and chin I'm entirely numb. Others are a strange mix of numbness and sensation. The worst bits are the itches. Because I'm numb scratching doesn't relieve them so I just have to wait it out. Quite annoying at times.

Bizarre - I have a "spitting" stitch on my right cheek. The dissolveable (sp?) stitch beneath the skin where they placed the screws is actually poking out of my skin. If it doesn't fall out on it's own I'm going to have Dr A remove it on Thursday when I see him. 

Weird itches and swelling notwithstanding, today I felt almost human. I dressed in something more than just a slip dress and went out. Being a planty creature myself (see earlier post), I felt I needed more green and more fragrance in my life. I went with my mother to the local nursery and picked out some plants. I got lavender (my favorite) and mint (another favorite). I also got what I have dubbed Mr. Alien Plant. He's rather touchy and if you poke him his leaves close. He really is very entertaining.

I also got out to the mall again and got a new blender. Our food processor, while quite good, is just too large. Things get thrown up against the walls and it's hard to get the meats broken down enough to get through my teeth. Confession: I'm excited to try it.

All in all, today was the first "great" day since surgery.

Catching some TV, but I'm blind as a bat. Excuse the icky skin

Day 8 - Neutrality

There honestly isn't much to report today so this is going to be a shorter post than usual.

My nerves are buzzing right now, it actually feels kinda weird. Like pins and needles, but warmer and less tight. It's actually kind of relaxing. Hahaha

The only physical pain is from the blisters on my heels. As for my face, last night was the first night since monday that I've needed to use motrin. I was achy and just couldn't get comfortable, but the motrin worked its magic and let me sleep pain free. When I woke up there was no pain, and my day continued as usual.

My skin is recovering slowly. It's still really dry and I've quite a few blemishes from where my chin was taped. It's bothersome, but it isn't causing any discomfort.

To be honest my only complaint is that I'm very tired today. I'm not sure why, but there you are.

And I can use a straw now! I noticed last night that I was able to make a seal around the straw and use it sort of like a normal human being :)

Here are some pictures. I think I'm going to try and change up the background when I can for some variety.

Day 7 - Milestones

Today is one week! Today is one week! One week ago I was still on the operating table. I can't believe I've made it to this point. It hasn't been easy in the least, but I hope that it just gets better from here.

So this afternoon I had my one week post-op appointment with Dr A. He seemed really pleased with how things were coming along. It really wasn't a true appointment in the sense that there were no x-rays or an exam or anything, but I did get my stitches removed. Yay! It didn't hurt. There were a few twinge-y pinches but nothing terrible. Like I said, I'm a wuss, so this came as a real relief.

He's concerned with the amount of weight that I've lost already - I weighed 106 this morning, so he told me that I need to weigh the same or more next time he sees me. I know that's not happening. I was really tiny up until my senior year of high school. All of the weight I had put on (about 8 pounds) was from really bad eating habits, junk choices, a sedentary lifestyle and binge eating, which means that I think a pound or two more are going to come off. I will of course gain it back post-op! This is not permanent!!!

I asked about being un-wired and when that may happen. I go to school at the end of august, and unfortunately, he said I'll probably still be wired when I go back. I don't think this will hinder my studies or fun, but it will make eating really annoying.


Fun fact? I have bed sores. Lame right? Two huge, and I mean HUGE blisters on my heels and a purple bruised spot on my tailbone. They think it's from being on the table for over 13 hours, because they turned me in the hospital and kept me on one of those beds that inflates and moves around.

On the awesome side of the equation I have clearance to start using mouthwash and a waterpik. Hooray! My mouth is really grossing me out right now, so this is a huge plus. Oh waterpik, I just met you, but I'm sure we shall be the greatest of friends.

Another milestone - I feel full right now! No nasty clawing hunger. I got really sick and tired of all the chocolate drinks last night, caved, and looked up how to puree chicken, beef, etc. We put some chicken through the food processor tonight and it was DELICIOUS. Seriously. Ok, having to drink my chicken was weird, and the more I had the less appetizing it became, but who cares? It's real food and I feel full. I'm absolutely thrilled. Dinner tonight was almost like it used to be.

Pain and swelling breakdown. Again, pain is not bad at all. Almost nonexistent. The only ouchy moments are when my nerves try to fire again and then it feels like a quick jab with a needle. It hurts, but it's so fast that there's no time to register real discomfort. It's more surprising than anything. Swelling hasn't gone down, at least from what I can see. That may be because I see myself every day, though, and gradual change is harder to pick up.

I think that about wraps it up for today. One week out and I'm starting to feel better about things. Today was definitely a huge leap for me, and I'm not going to forget it any time soon. I'm so thankful for everything and everyone who has stood by me through this.

To my other friends out in jaw land, particularly Cece, I hope that this post finds you well. This is a rough ride, and I think we'll all be stronger for it in the end.

Picture time!

Day 6 - Roller Coaster

So today is day 6, which means that tomorrow marks one week since surgery! Time feels like it's been crawling and this past week has been one of the longest ever.

I kinda hit a wall today with food (again). I had to blend my eggs this morning and I cried because I was grossed out. I was too hungry to put up much of a fight and ended up drinking all of it. Then I tried to blend up some macaroni and cheese a couple hours ago. What a fiasco! It just wouldn't blend and by the time I added enough milk to make it runny I knew it would be just awful. I basically threw a tantrum and gave up, resigning myself to another Carnation Instant Breakfast drink.

My nose is still running but not nearly as constantly as the past few days. Another thing I noticed is that I haven't had any nosebleeds. Maybe I just have no blood vessels up there or something, because I never had a single nosebleed in my entire life...seriously, I'm not exaggerating. This is good though, because it's just one less inconvenience I have to deal with.

Also, having a big, scruffy, shaggy, sheddy dog, while AWESOME most of the time is very annoying when that shed hair manages to end up inside your wired jaws. No clue how it got in, but I was able to use a needle to get it out. Man was that annoying

Pain today is ok. I'm a little tender and still puffy, but I haven't even touched motrin since yesterday morning, so that is a huge victory in my book. The only "pain" I notice is a slight twinge in the right side of my chin. Kinda like when you poke a bruise. Mom says it's the nerves healing. I've dealt with much worse pain after a day of snowboarding, though, so this really isn't even much of a problem.

Swelling and skin issues. Still swollen (no surprises there) and my skin is in full rebellion. Break outs and dry scaly spots. Peeling in about a 1 inch radius around my mouth and of course super raw sensitive lips. I've gone through about 2 tubes of aquaphor already. Right now, aside from the drippy nose this is my greatest source of discomfort.

And...drum roll please...I WENT OUT!!! I got out and went to the mall today. I was only there for about an hour, but I was absolutely exhausted by the end of it. I was starting to get short with my mom. I feel bad, cause I know she only means the best by me, but I just had no energy or motivation to just try stuff on and do the whole "this or that" bit. In the end I got some much needed clothes and a new movie for the family to watch. Mom, bless her, was all for a full on shopping trip, but I just couldn't do it. I don't know how she puts up with me these days. So basically the mall, while exhausting, was a huge success and I was able to get out and move.

Total failsauce for visiting my friend, though. She works at our local head shop (hehehe) and I said I'd try to stop by so she can gets some laughs, but I was just too tired after the mall run so I went home. Sorry, E, I'll try for sunday!

The weight is still coming off. I'm down from 113 pre-op to 108. In the hospital I was at about 121-122 with all of the fluids they were pumping me up with. I'm all for getting in shape and losing my freshman "pudge" but this is ridiculous. If I'm gonna lose weight and tone up I want to do it the healthy way by eating right and treating my body like a temple, not starving myself. My pants keep sliding down :( I shudder to think of the damage being done to my metabolism with this starvation stuff.


Tomorrow I get my stitches removed from where they made the incisions on each cheek. I'm a wuss, so I'm scared. Oh well, consider it another milestone.

And now for the pictures!

Trying to snooze and escape for a bit yesterday

I know the smile is scary, but I wanna show you guys that I still can :)

Got my earrings back in the second holes! Win

Please excuse the icky skin and gooey mouth. Surgery and my face aren't the best of friends in terms of complexion.

Frustration

Still the same day as the last post. I'm just feeling really frustrated right now. It feels like this is never going to get better. All of those important milestones seem so far away. And even they seem like they aren't very satisfying. My jaw wasn't supposed to be wired and it is. I was supposed to be in surgery for 6-8 hours, and I was in for 13.5. I'm so uncomfortable right now and I just want food. I don't regret having this done, but I do regret the discomfort - a lot.

Day 5 - I'm on strike

It's day 5! I wish I could give a reason for that to be exciting, but I can't think of one.

I woke up around 7:30 am today and snoozed on and off a bit. Mom bought me Harry Potter on DVD (first part of movie 7), so I got to watch that. I cried a lot from it, which made me feel funny, but I like the movie anyway. My uncle also came to visit me. He brought me a special movie edition of some magazine for the 7th HP movie. I guess the world thinks Harry Potter is the greatest cure for surgery. I shan't disabuse them of that notion, because I kinda agree. I also got a letter from my college today that I made Dean's list! Wheee!! I get to celebrate inside my head since a celebratory meal is a no-go.

I've gone on strike against my meds (except for the anti-biotics, I have no choice with them). They just taste so vile and the smell alone makes me want to throw up. That and they make me see some seriously evil things when I close my eyes. I had an argument with my hallucinations last night. That may sound funny - but it was actually disturbing. So end of story? No more drugs. THEY SUCK! (sorry I had to get that out).

Downside of this choice is ouch. I'm not in a ton of pain so Motrin does help, but even that stuff is yucky. I used to be able to tolerate the citrus one as a kid, but guess which flavor is out of production?! Yep, there was mold in the factory or something like that, so it's yucky berry for me *cringe*

Right now my biggest complaint is just the overall discomfort. The swelling feels huge on my head and I feel trapped with my mouth wired shut. I think I'm going to try to eat some mashed potatoes today because chocolate ensure and chicken broth is bologna.....mmm bologna...

Another fun fact: my nose won't stop dripping and it is a real pain in the butt! Just stop dripping silly nose! Why are you dripping?!

I did try to brush my teeth today. It was horrifying. I got some of the gunk off, but the stuff right below my gumline I'm scared of. It looks like a ton of dead skin, but I'm scared to brush it off in case I do some damage. I almost cried when I was brushing. Seeing your mouth like that is actually kinda scary, not to mention really gross. Your gums shouldn't do those things!!!

And now for pictures. These were taken out on my back deck where I can try to get some sunlight. I'm like a little plant right now. Add a little sun and water and I'll be fine. Here's my pics then I'm gonna go off and do plant things.

Also, does anyone have ideas for food? I really need them. Sadly I am a a super picky eater and everything I find seems to involve fruit (which I dislike very much). Ideas would be cool :)

PICS! Days 1-4 (kinda)

Profile shot from the night before surgery. I have tried to rotate the following images but blogger is being dumb and not letting me.

Waiting for surgery. I was less scared than I thought

Day 3 - still in ICU

Check out the new profile - and snazzy bandage!

With Daddy, finally out of bed in ICU

Before going off to Children's. Still Day 3

This little guys was The Green Lantern. AKA my best friend. I got to push the little button whenever it turned green and BOOM! No more ouch. I was sad when they took him away.

Day 3, Childrens - bandage is off :)

Profile...sort of

Left Side

Right Side

Smiling?! You bet!

Ewie

Day 4

Day 4

 

 

 

Ok these pain meds are making me dumb and lazy right now. I'll be updating some more when I remember.

P.S. The surgeons had me take out  my industrial bar and second earrings. They were too fresh to handle being left closed like that. 70 bucks? Gooooone! Now I have to get them re-done. And let me tell you - that industrial bar is a real pain-in-the-tush to heal!

Home: Days 1-4

Hello everyone. I'm home now. Days 1-4 were spent in a haze in the hospital so I will try to get as much detail down as possible.

The procedure was supposed to last from 6-8 hours, but for me it lasted 13.5! My jaw was aslo not supposed to be wired shut but when Dr. A unwired me mid-surgery My jaw fractured in three places (other than the ones planned obviously). I shouldn't be too surprised as I ad mentioned years of degeneration being a fear of mine, but I can't pretend that this wiring bit is any fun.

I checked into surgery around 7:15 thursday morning and by about 8 I was in the OR. Boy is that room cold! The anesthesiologist was awesome. He'd worked on my sister and grandfather in the past and when I mentioned a deep loathing for IV's he allowed me to be induced with gas - cool!

I woke up sometime saturday morning in in the ICU, as they kept me there post-op. Things went kinda wonky in the OR, and I ended up with three hairline fractures as well as a break to one of my condyles. They had to intubate because of this and kept me in a propofol-induced sleep from thursday evening to saturday morning/afternoon. I had a tube down my nose and a catheter that made me feel the uncomfortable urge to pee the whole time.

I hated ICU, at one point a nurse had cuffed a pressure cuff on me. It was one of those machine-inflating ones. I started to cry that it hurt badly and asked her to please stop, but she just stared at me like I had two heads. The IV of course blew and they had to start another. Trust me when I say I am one of the worst people for getting an IV started. I was positively miserable. Another time I rang for pain meds and the mean lady outside my door just looked at me and did nothing. I was very angry with the nurses there.

The intubation tube and catheter came out without a problem - no pain at all. Whee!

Thank God that Sunday they let me out of ICU and into the Children's Hospital. Night and day, I'll tell you that much. They were very sweet there and understanding of my discomfort. Dr A came to see me and explained to procedure. As I said it lasted a full 13.5 hours what with all the fracturing and having to re-do stuff. I have a few hairline fractures in the upper left jaw as well as a nice break in one of the condyles. This can be good though because it may surprisingly relieve some of my tmj pain without the need for the second surgery until I'm a little older. That would be nice.

Ok back from a shower break. You people weren't kidding. That was one of the best showers in the world! All the hospital ick down the drain where it belongs. Back to my update.

Functionally and aesthetically my jaws are in a much better place. Because of the way that my orthodontist tried to get my bite to work made it so that my surgeon had to choose between a gap in the front or on the side. He of course chose the side. Everything meets up beautifully except for my left side. There is a gap of about 1 mm between the upper and lower jaws. My surgeon said that I shouldn't worry as this was planned and will correct itself over time. If not, then braces will certainly remedy this in as little as 6 months. Yay functionality!

Wanna hear a cool number? 11 mm. That's how far forward my chin has been moved. My lower jaw was advanced about 7 mm and my chin a further 4. So that's 11 mm from where it started. I thought that was cool. My upper jaw has been impacted by 3 mm so I show less gum and as for advancement, the upper jaw was moved forward about 4 mm (I think)I forgot the exact number. I'm super excited to see how all of this looks when the swelling goes down.

As for swelling and all that grossness, I'm still pretty puffy. Dr A seem impressed with how fast the swelling has been going down, though. He kept showing me off like a prize to his residents. It was funny. Gunky teeth? Yeah. I don't even want to know what that junk is, I just want it off. Dr A said I can start gently brushing the outside of my teeth tomorrow and rinse with peridex on thursday. Can't wait cause right now that is the grossest thing. Boogers belong in noses and tissues, not surgical sites!

I think that's all I'm going to write for now. all of the meds are making me feel stupid (and they taste sooooo bad!). I'm going to post the few pics I have of my in the hospital and then I should be all caught up. If I missed anything or if you guys have any questions, just ask. I'm sure I forgot plenty of info here that I will be adding in the next couple days. Right now I want mashed potatoes...

Again, I just want to thank all of you for being so wonderful and supportive. It's really helping a lot. I just keep thinking of all of you that have been through this and it reminds me that I can be strong if I have to you. You guys are such an inspiration and positive force in my life right now!

Pics coming in like 6 minutes.

I Made It

Hello all. I have been trying to update my blog, but unfortunately the hospital has blocked blogger. I want to thank all of you for your incredible support and encouragement. My mother has been getting some pictures so I will be updating my blog as soon as I get home. There is just too much to write to be updating via phone. Barring any major news this is my only in-hospital update. Again, I appreciate all of the support. It truly means a lot to me right now.

Pre-op VIDEO

T-27 Hours...And I'm scared

Alright, the clock is counting down faster and faster. In about 24 hours I'll be waking myself up to get ready to go in for surgery.

So what's on the agenda for my last day with this bite? Later today I'll be going to the post office to get some passport stuff done. Funny how my "old" face will be on my passport for the next decade. After that is my friend V's birthday. I'll be joining her at a fancy restaurant to celebrate and then back to her place for ice cream cake (mmm...Fudgie the Whale...). Then it'll be off to sleep and surgery tomorrow!

Surgery is tomorrow - eek! I have to admit I'm really nervous. My biggest fear (aside from waking up) is that I will miss the "old me." I think of myself as beautiful. Though running across a candid shot of me from the side did help a little in reminding myself that this will all work out in the end. I can't pretend I'm not terrified. The butterflies are fluttering hard core. I have so many thoughts right now that I can't put into words - so many emotions. Happy and sad, excited and scared. The anticipation is quite hellish.

It's 4:27 am on the day before my surgery and I'm not afraid to tell the world that I'm scared. Please keep me in your prayers and thoughts. I'll update all of you when I'm out of surgery.

P.S. Cece has made it through! Way to go!!!

Cece

Today fellow jaw blogger, Cece, will be having her surgery. Send positive thoughts for comfort and strength her way, and thoughts of steady hands and patience to her surgeon.

Cece, I hope all goes well today and that you wake up with the knowledge that you're that much closer to the end of this jaw stuff. You're going to do great! I hope to see post from you asap. Good luck, be well, and I'll see you when we're both on the other side of this stage!

A Nice Diversion

A non-surgery related post - wow!

With surgery being only about 4 days away the nerves are really starting to set in. I had a nice distraction from them in the form of one of my really good friends from school. M came over for a couple of days. As she's the first friend to come to my house from school this summer I was thrilled. We shared pizza, mall trips, stupid videos and, it goes without saying, tons of chit-chat. It was absolutely wonderful to see her again and she really helped me calm some surgery fears and just have fun. Thanks M! <3 Sometimes no matter how much medical stuff you read, the best remedy is a good friend.

Pre-surgery Meeting with Dr A

So today I had my pre-surgical meeting with Dr A. He took a couple more bite molds just to make sure that the models he has of my teeth are lined up true to my bite. Then we got to discuss some of my questions and concerns. Let me tell you, I feel so much better having had this discussion. So here's the summary.

Q. How are we going to do this as I don't have braces?
A. He showed me using the cool skull model. During surgery they will place an appliance on my upper and lower jaws. It will be held on by individually wrapping wires around my back teeth. This is also what they use on trauma patients who don't have braces that the surgeon can use to wire/band the jaw shut during and after surgery.

Q. Will my jaw be wired/banded shut when I wake up?
A. (this one surprised me) Probably not! He said he usually only wires jaws shut when the lower jaw has been brought back. In cases such as mine where the lower jaw is advanced, he says it will not be necessary. The only reason he would wire my jaw shut is if, when they make the cut in my lower jaw, the jaw does not break properly. However, the people most at risk of this happening to are skinny Caucasian girls. Guess what I am? That being said, just because I'm at a higher risk does not equal probability.

Q. Since my jaws won't be wired shut and immobilized, how can I be sure that that my jaws will heal properly and not get knocked out of place?
A. The plates and screws (made of surgical grade titanium) are more than capable of holding my bones in their new positions. I will have three screws on each side of my bottom jaw - six in total, two plates holding my chin in place after a sliding genioplasty, and two plates on each side of my upper - four in total. Wow, that's a lot of metal!

Q. Will I have a splint?
A. Nope. I'll only need it in the rare case that my jaw needs to be wired shut.

Q. I actually like my rather "large" nose. After they cut into my top jaw, will my nose look different?
A. Yes and no. The shape of my nose would not change, but it will be a little more prominent. If, however, I truly would like it to remain exactly the same, Dr A will just shave down a bit of the nasal spine after he moves my upper jaw. I have to think about this one, but I'll likely opt to have him keep it the same.

Q. Another orthognathic surgery patient recently passed away due to some rather unfortunate complications. I'm a little worried now. Will I be ok?
A. While it is very unfortunate that another patient passed away, what happened to him is not the norm. Dr A is confident that I will be quite safe. His only concern is that I may lose a lot of blood if the arteries in my top jaw are accidentally nicked when they chisel away at some things (sorry I know it's kinda gross). The good news is that even this is not something to panic about. They would be able to easily stop the bleeding with pressure and they'll have two units on hand in the event that they are needed. If more is needed, they can of course easily get a hold of it in time. So all in all, I'm pretty safe as far as the procedure is concerned.

Also, I was given a choice between sliding genioplasty and a chin implant. I have opted for the sliding genioplasty. This surgery is for functionality more than cosmetics, and I would like to maintain as much of my natural face as possible. I love myself for who I am, and if I don't have to change it I won't. An implant would leave me with a rounder chin and get rid of my slightly cleft chin. So in the name of keeping my natural features, and leaving some of those little details that make me me, I have opted for the genioplasty.

After some discussion and the molds, Dr A sent me on my way with a pre-op blood work order. I went to the lab right in the hospital to have it done. I'm glad that this means I won't need to blood work done tomorrow at my pre-surgical physical and health history appointment, but I can't pretend I wasn't less than thrilled about it. I hate blood-tests and IV's, and I hadn't planned on needles today. The good news is I didn't pass out this time and the phlebotomist was funny.

And a bit of disappointment: due to a scheduling error my surgery has been pushed forward to July 21 rather than the 20th. Not a huge change, but I'm still a little bummed. Dr A is in a different office on the third Wednesday of every month, and we hadn't realized that the 20th was the third Wednesday. Other than that everything is set and ready to go. I have a physical tomorrow and then the next time I see any medical personnel it will be on surgery day!

If I missed something you'd like to know, feel free to ask :)

Insurance Update

We have good news: insurance has approved everything! They'll be covering upper and lower jaws, genioplasty, and all those fun hospital/surgical fees. So all systems are go and I've not a worry in the world about costs. Yay!

I also need to meet with Dr A tomorrow. I'm going to share some of my concerns and ask a lot of questions. I'll update all of you on that sometime tomorrow.

Thank goodness insurance finally got some sense argued into them and thank you to Dr A for fighting my case!

More Jitters and Worries

So now that surgery is really really happening and I have a date I'm kinda freaking out. My biggest worry is in regards to the braces. I have no problem with braces. In fact I know I'll get them again after surgery, but I don't have them right now. Everywhere I look people are like "No you must have them before surgery...blah blah blah." Is this true? Is having surgery without braces going to make more problems? Will I regret doing surgery first braces last? Will my teeth shift after surgery as I won't have the braces to hold them in place? Sorta freaking out right now :/

"Before" Pics

 So here are some before pics. I'm sorry that they don't show what is going on very well, but I had to take them myself with my webcam. I'll try to get some better ones up as soon as I find someone who would like to help me take pics for this whole process. But for now here they are:

Front Relaxed

Front Smile

 

 

Left Relaxed

Left Smile

Right Relaxed

Right Smile

These pictures really don't show it well but my lower jaw is quite far back which, when my face is relaxed causes some problems. The corners of my mouth turn down, making me look mean and angry. A friend of mine once told me that had I not approached her she would never have spoken to me. My face when relaxed looked so hard and angry that I intimidated her! And she was a full foot taller than me... The recessed jaw has also left me with almost no chin. As you can see from the head-on smile shot, I also have a very gummy smile. Again, these pictures are really poor quality. I'm going to try and see if I can get better ones so that I can show you guys exactly what's going on.

Finally! We have a Date! And some Issues

Soooo...we finally have a date. When is this glorious event happening? July 20th. And how do I feel about it? Well that's kinda tough...

While I'm thrilled that this is finally definitely happening, I'm frustrated and disappointed with how late this is. I was supposed to get surgery before June ended to allow me ample time to heal before going back to school. I came back from school on May 20th. Plans were put on hold and others were dropped before they started. All in the name of "we don't know when this is going to happen." Family vacations? Out. Plans to go see friends from school? Out. Job? Out. And all of this because I couldn't plan ANYTHING too far into the future as I just didn't know if I'd be able to keep it. So now I've sat home for 2 months doing nothing because of this stupid surgery. And now that I finally have a date it's near the end of July! Over a month after I should have had it. Now I'll have just 5 weeks of healing before I go back. And I can't lie - I'm furious about it. My entire summer vacation has been ruined by this waiting game.

I know I can look at this in the light of "well now I have 13 days to do anything I want," but it's hard to be happy about 13 days when I've spent 60 sitting home on my arse. Now there's no chance of a family vacation after surgery like we'd hoped. We had planned on having this done by the end of June, and then after about 7 weeks, near the end of August, we'd take a family vacation to Canada. I could just go on and on about why this date invokes anger and sadness, but honestly I don't want to bore all of my amazing readers.

And another thing that bothers me? My mother for some reason doesn't seem to understand that having the jaws wired shut post surgery is not only standard, but almost universal. She just called me to say "Dr A said he might not have to wire it shut..." This bugs me soooo much! The idea of going into surgery, having things broken, moved, and bolted only to have my jaw left to dangle open like an idiot? This strikes me as ludicrous and dangerous. How on earth can I feel secure in my healing when I'm afraid of having things knocked out of place and ruining everything that was done. Not to mention I've already eaten like there's no tomorrow to put on weight so that I won't look so sickly thin after the post surgery weight loss. What do you want me to do with that extra weight now? I don't like how my body looks but I've done it so that I can be healthy post surgery and not waste away to nothing. Now? I'm stuck with this extra blubber that god only knows I'll never be able to drop.

Overall while I'm glad to finally have a date I'm less than pleased about everything else. Sorry for the whining, but I figured if anyone would understand it would be all of you out in jaw surgery land.

Birthday Fun and a Small Update

So this past Wednesday was my birthday. I had a blast. Spending time with my family was all I wanted, and that's what I got...and some really cool gifts and cake, too! Check out my sister's blog for some fun birthday pictures!
http://zoegabrielle90.blogspot.com/2011/07/celebrate-life.html

As for my jaw surgery it's clearly not happening before June is out since it's already July. We have however contacted Dr A to ask him to put me on the schedule for surgery, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it happens within the next two weeks.

My sister just got an awesome new camera so I'll be posting my "before" shots sometime in the next two days. Hope all of you in jaw blog land are doing well!