I had more physical therapy today. My therapist is really impressed with the improvement I've made all around. I can use heavier weights now when she makes me do posture exercises, the flexibility is returning to my neck, the knots in my back are at last easing up, and I can open my mouth a little more. Last time we measured I was opening at 33mm, and I'm now opening at around 36mm. It doesn't seem like a lot, but it's progress nonetheless. Not to mention when it comes to opening one's mouth, a couple millimeters is significant. It's the difference between a hearty sandwich and a wimpy one, lol.
There are a couple concerns that I've had for a while now. I haven't voiced them because it makes them real, but I feel I need to all the same. You guys have been honest with me and supportive, and right now that's what I need. I feel as though the break on my left is loose or never healed or something. Some days my jaw looks more recessed on the left than on the right, and it has me worried. I have a horrible habit of playing with the break site on that side. I feel it with my thumb to assure me that's it's still the same size and in the same place, but now I'm worried that the playing could have done some damage. I've been doing this since about 6 or 7 weeks out of surgery, and even though I know the plates are strong, I'm not sure if they're up to being fooled around with with that kind of deep poking and pressure. I don't know if this has impeded healing, or else moved stuff around. Perhaps I ate something too hard without pacing myself? I'm just not sure. It could all be in my head, but I think it's worth mentioning to my surgeon. I feel like an idiot.
The other concern I can honestly say is not my fault one bit. That right tooth that's been shifted back from the rubber band is really interfering with my bite. It isn't allowing me to bite down the way I could after surgery, and it also seems as though the constant pulling is causing a can't. This could be an illusion from the fact that the gum over my left tooth has receded from when the other band cut through it. The constant pull to the right also seems to be causing my lower jaw to shift in that direction when I relax. My bite is all over the place, and once again, I don't know where my "true" bite is. Perhaps the inconsistent bite is what is causing the more recesses appearance on some days? :( I'm hoping that this tooth thing can be fixed, and that that will solve it all.
Voicing these things really scares me. If they're all in my head then I will be thrilled. But if not, then it means that I've screwed things up for myself and I have no idea of the implications. These are the secret things that have been nagging at me for weeks now, and I think it's time to fess up. I'm just not sure what it all means and next surgical visit I will spill it all to Dr A and see what he thinks.
I'm not in pain at all which is a plus, and eating is 99% back to the way it used to be save for the fact that I avoid really hard things like pretzels, carrots, bagels and chewy candy. Aside from these nagging worries things really seem to be alright. Life is back to normal for the most part, and if anything, it's better. I feel more confident in the way I look, I like my body again now that I've lost my freshman 15 and I have more stamina. I'm healthier now than I have been in a long time, and I'm pain free. I know that in the end this is what's important, but I can't stop beating myself up over the fact that I may have messed something up from my own stupidity and inability to just leave things alone.
I hope you all are doing really well, and please, take it from me, LEAVE THINGS ALONE! You'll be happier about it in the end.
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